Work in Uganda and Rwanda has been progressing at a furious pace over the past few months. So, once we had the interns tucked snugly into their airplane seats and winging back home, we took a break -- a few days of R & R on Zanzibar.
Like many things in Africa, the small task (a 600 mile trip) took a long time. 10 hours between two flights and more than 2 hours in taxis.
The second 1.5 hr. flight, from Nairobi to Zanzibar town, was on “Precision Air.” I’m not sure what “precision” references. Perhaps the fact that we arrived at our planned destination. Or, maybe, it was because the amount of room between seats was precisely how long my femur bones are, to the millimeter. Sally and I have been on a lot of airplanes, from Dreamliners to A380s to single engine 6-seater safari planes. We have firmly planted our buttocks in both the worst to the best seats on dozens of flights over the last 30 years.
This was the most cramped seat I have ever wedged myself into. By far.
But, after unfolding myself from my seat, and an hour taxi ride to our hotel – I have to confess that it was worth it.
4 nights of “all-Inclusive” joy. Room 1401 at the Tui Blue Resort. A partial ocean-view.
Sally planned this trip because she knew I needed a breather. On a trip like this she would prefer to get up early and explore the several dozen places she has identified and exhaustively researched over the previous weeks. Every day. Sitting by the pool with a zesty drink pales in comparison and would constitute a missed cultural opportunity for her.
I, on the other hand, would vote for “I’m not getting into any kind of vehicle at any point until we are on our way back to the airport and yes, by all means bring me another strong beverage as I lie here on this chair for the 4th day in a row and can you please get those Belgian boys to stop throwing their ball this direction, it is periodically splashing pool water on my calves.”
This trip, Sally biblically submitted herself to my authority. No excursions. No schedule. She was forced to sit by the pool with me, enjoy the sun and the view, read and relax. In part because she is an amazing and giving person. But also because the “Tui Blue Resort App” (the only way to schedule anything – dinner, taxis, gym time, etc.) never worked. Perhaps it was because the internet also never worked.
It was glorious.
The Leist family is not an “all-inclusive” kind of group. We have only ventured to a similar resort one other time -- 2008 in Kenya with the girls. All-inclusive resorts always feel a bit like a cruise ship on dry land, with bingo and “come make a hat out of the local plants” classes and colored wristbands so the bartenders know whether to make your drink with “Cousin Jimmy” rum or something nicer. But this time, it was just what we needed.
It was a bit surreal. We were at a German resort in east Africa with a whole bunch of Europeans. The only other Americans were an Indian family who currently live in San Francisco. Their accents gave them away. But everyone else thought we were German.
Tanzanian beach vendors dressed in Maasai warrior outfits would start with “jambo” or “hakuna matata” (“hello” and “no worries” in Swahili, in case you have been frozen in a glacier and have not seen the Lion King) before switching to “alles ist gut?” (“everything good?” in German). They hustle. If they sense an opening or a moment of weakness -- like you making eye contact or slowing from a purposeful walking speed – they will pounce and you will find yourselves surrounded by a large but friendly crowd hawking trinkets, a boat ride, an escort to walk you out to the reef at low tide, a jet-ski ride or eternal friendship.
A short walk down the beach could take you to Leonardo DaVinci’s Art Gallery, Amazon, Hugo Boss, Zara (2 locations), and Safeway. Who knew? Gaining the legitimate franchise rights to open these locations on a Zanzibar beach must have been challenging.
I ate a lot of grilled meat and drank inappropriate amounts of bottom-shelf local booze (wrong colored wristband, apparently). And read. And tried to talk to nobody except Sally. Sally and I took some long walks together on the beach and she took some on her own, walking is easier than in Kampala. Sally watched people and, annoyingly, talked to a lot of them which is her favorite extrovert activity when I don’t want to adventure.
A few observations:
Europeans like tattoos. A lot. All over their bodies no matter the age, gender or general fitness level.
Sally’s favorite little swimmer carried a very unique pool toy – a 2-meter tall, yellow inflatable slice of pepperoni pizza. She would leave it floating in the pool. Sally kept daring me to put it to use when the little girl was absent but I declined because it had no cup holder.
Europeans like to smoke.
“All-Inclusive” doesn’t just mean food and drink but also activities. “Middle-aged-man Speedo Afternoon Volleyball” was an option. So was “Drunk and Sunburned Poolside Jenga.” Apparently you could sign up for “Techno Water Aerobics for Women Over 70” on the Tui Blue app as well, not that we would know.
Europeans like cats. Stray cats without collars, which were everywhere. The best place for those stray cats were in European laps during mealtimes, I guess.
People from every continent like taking selfies.
It was a great time to step back and relax. Now back to Kampala.
On behalf of mocked and oppressed people everywhere, we protest your vast generalizations of bottom shelf grain alcohol producers, young and inaccurate Belgian volleyball youth (clearly classified as an "unreached people group") and the Zazibarian Beach Vendors Union.
Also please know you will never be served by tattoo artists on the darkened alleyways of Frankfurt or Berlin. Or ever be able to adopt a cat (not that anyone with a right mind would want to).
Please expect a subpoena soon from the good people at "Cousin Jimmy's Nigh Train Beverages".
Otherwise, enjoy your trip.
With endless affection for your tourist dollars,
The Zanzibar Tourism Council **
** Makers of the world renowned “Tui Blue Resort App”.
Sounds perfect, glad you got to relax.
Love this... Love your observations! 😂 Not much has changed in regard to holidaying at the coast the many years I've been in East Africa! Well, that's not entirely true: Far less tourist nudity now, and add the millenial facination with taking photos of ones self... But that's about it! Good times!